Uh oh, here’s what I heard on local radio, 12.03.09…
… now here’s what I think.
Today marks the beginning of a new series focusing on local radio stations. They’re everywhere in every a’Merican town and they’re bad, real bad, tasteless, infectious ear numbing fast food for the brain. Either way, it’s impossible to beat them, if it weren’t for bad radio stations playing awful music and sharing awful insight, this article wouldn’t exist or neither would anyone’s appreciation for listening to anything but what the radio plays. Being as opinionated as I am about what music enters my life, I think it’s good to occasionally keep an ear on what the rest of a’Merica is listening to- the popular stuff, most of it is garbage. Not only for self-torture or a personal waste of time but for laughs in need of an opinion’s defense. I believe in the theory you can’t complain about something if you don’t do it or try it out for yourself. Besides if they have the power to persuade thousands of people with vocal mindless banter, it’s a fair tradeoff to share my mindless banter with visual information.
The radio used to be important, it did, sitting around most of my childhood making mix tapes from songs I heard as a child on any random station and then doing my own mindless banter in between. Once the grunge movement occurred, while everyone else assumes downloading killed the music industry, radio went bye bye as the way to hear new music. Nirvana, grunge, and bands that sounded just like previous took over playlists. There is no difference now between a playlist in 1994 and now except that now is worse. The 80s weren’t so bad now that we’re all so removed to observe such. All you can hear now is a Nirvana / Pearl Jam / Prince / En Vogue / Seven Mary Three sounding band or singer. Every song on the radio sounds constipated. The boys in Kings of Leon sound backed up, as if they haven’t dropped a load off in weeks. Is it them? Or is it the way the song was mixed to be played on bad radio? Most of the pop songs sound as if they are being sung from inside an empty pop can. Formula. It’s pretty bad. Enough.
Listening Ratings:
Hi-5 = Surprised, amused, learned something, heard an impressive string of songs. The DJ didn’t talk or when he did he actually told me (the listener) what the f*ck was being played and the actual name of the song without having to guess what he really mumbled through above Radio Station Call Letter and sh*tty tagline audio.
Yawn = Tolerable, head scratching, almost unlistenable but like bad TV, can’t seem to turn it off.
Garbage = Can I get a refund on my time or will someone be returning my brain cells back to their rightful place?
________
12.03.2009
ZOK, 97.5 FM “Today’s BEST Music.” / Rockford, IL / 9am-10am estimated.
The first part of the hour was spent listening to an engaging conversation between DJ Steve and some guy named Bob Greene on the phone. Bob apparently was Oprah’s best ‘woman’ in her wedding? Or she was his ‘best woman’? I couldn’t tell by the uncomfortable nature and tone of voices both men were sharing live it appeared. DJ Steve was asking Bob about some book he wrote about a diet for diabetes. The conversation was mainly spent talking about Oprah’s weight and how Bob was just contacted by his friend to help get her back into shape for 2010. I learned many things in this conversation I was unaware of:
1. Oprah is quitting her show?! What planet have I been on? Yawn?
2. She is starting her own TV Network?! Where have I been again? Yawn.
3. The DJ said, “Oprah has been such a force in all of our lives…” Huh, why do I feel nothing?
That’s where I forget why I’m listening to Rockford radio. Has she been a force?
I can remember one time in my entire 36 years of being on this planet I’ve sat and watched an episode of Oprah and the most memorable thing about it was my grandfather sitting in his chair taking a post-yard work nap, 3-4-5 in the afternoon, the summer of 198?. My grandmother came upstairs to sit in her ‘wait for a client’ chair and says, “Oh good you have Ofrah on, I like Ofrah, did your grandfather feed you.” (Note: My grandma ran a beauty salon shop and business out of my grandparents house / basement for over 40 years- we’ll get to that in a separate article.)
My memories of Oprah are not that of being a force. I do remember my grandmother enjoying her while waiting for clients to show up, and then when she got sick. I know when my grandpa took care of her, she couldn’t miss Oprah. She used to call her “Ofrah” accidently. Magically my mom started doing the same thing. They both knew “Oprah” was the proper pronunciation however if you know my mom or knew my grandma, screwing up names is/was their specialty. Occasionally my mom calls me “Donna” or my younger sister “Dan.” We have another sister between us, she’s not special enough to receive an alternate name, yet.
Ok, where were we? That’s right, 97ZOK, DJ Steve, Bob Greene and Oprah stories. Personally I learned nothing from this conversation on the radio this morning outside of the fact Oprah is ending her show. I guess that’s news for some people? How many I’m not sure. I know she helps sell books so that’s cool but I can’t say much else except that DJ Steve, that Bob guy or Oprah has diabetes? Someone has diabetes I learned. I wanted to know more about diabetes but not Oprah or her weight. My grandpa had diabetes too but he never wrote a book or had time to. He worked his a*s off. He mainly took care of my grandmother, cheated the diabetes. We all saw it and he ate like a pig picking his moments knowing when, where, how and what to eat. He was a brilliant man that lived till the age of 87 when 3 types of cancer got him and wore him down in a 3-4 month span of time. Something’s going to get all of us and today WZOK got me. Thank God for NPR.
Moving on.
Tunes I heard or could remember in this hour on DJ Steve’s “Morning Show”:
1. Some girl singing about something with an auto-tune mixing filter applied so that she appeared to be singing from inside an empty soup can. The sound was unlistenable, no mention of her name, the song name, had a nice beat that sounded like it was made on a 1982 casio and she was singing about being pretty maybe? Yawn.
2. Beyonce: Good song! Holy sh*t, I actually heard a good song on FM radio?! She was all sexy and preaching to single ladies to put a ring on it? Like a ring on the finger for getting married? Or a condem on a man’s 3rd leg? Either way, good song, I unloaded my diswasher thinking, “huh, maybe modern radio is getting better?”
3. Lady Gahgah: The DJ announced this lady’s name. This was my first experience hearing about this pop star I see everywhere in photos. I don’t have a proper opinion outside of the fact the song DJ Steve played was boring. I ended up trying to find my hat during this song to help out with pillow hair.
4. Some guy who was hurting and sounded like he was singing “I’m so sorry” over and over? What can you say was really in pain. Again, no name, no song title. I can’t even compare him to anything I’ve heard this decade because it resembled something I heard in 1994 at a frat boy party by a band named Seven Mary Three. Having said that, many bands now a days sound like they are forever trapped in the 90s- not the good 90s. Seven Mary Three is not the good 90s. This dude was in pain and so was I from having to listen to it through a moving moment in my bathroom 2 rooms away.
5. Right Said Fred: Really? ”‘I’m So Sexy” as if it were an ok thing being played in the morning. It’s never ok to play this song unless you’re p*ssed drunk looking to upset a group of friends by ending the party early and putting this on repeat followed by any God awful Pearl Jam song.
Tunes Played Summary: 1/5 songs actually caught my attention. Beyonce, thank you for making memorable marketable music that a local DJ could count on playing this morning. However 20% of my time based on that fraction is a failing grade.
Commercials: Too many, a complete distraction. Stuff about diamond deals at Zavius and go git yerself some good insurance at Farmer’s Insurance. There were many more but my ears are still adjusting to listening to garbage for kicks. I’ve spent years training my ears to drown out white people radio commercial narrations.
NOTE: At 10:23am, from the kitchen, WZOK is still playing while I write this article and like my worst jokes to friends, my favorite recent punchline just came on! Like clockwork, the awful Kings of Leon singing that song where he swoons, “Someone like me” you’ll hear 6xs a day on any radio station. Thanks for today’s laughs ZOK! I’m assuming there’s many more Kings of Leon repeats coming Rockford’s way today on every radio station.
